Day 12

hello
i'd like to take this time out
to tell you about myself
stuff i think about
my personal opinions
if you don't care
not surprising
first off i think life is a joke
anonymity is a bitch
when you live in areas with a lot of people
no one knows who you are
cant keep track of everyone
its impossible
so it gives you the opportunity to do whatever you want
without caring about how it affects anyone else
and it gives you the chance to be whatever you want
because no one knows the real you
people are fake
try to act like the perfect dumbasses we see on tv
nothing's perfect
so we have shit telling us how to be perfect
how to look a certain way
how to act a certain way
how to be completely mindless and follow everyone else
we've been trying so hard to try and fit the norm
that we forget about how to think for ourselves
then we judge people if they want to be different
we try to create this image for ourselves
so we can be liked and looked up to by everyone else
whats the point of being fake
but enough of that

i go to college
put up with all these bullshit papers
to 'further my education'
still don't know what i want to do
but fuck it
there's a lot of shit out there
something's gotta be for me
everyone seems to be in their own little world
avoiding others cuz they think they're better or what?
then once they get out of class they light up a cig
i'll smoke occasionally
but not frequently
i do it because it relaxes me
not to fit in, or be rebellious
but because for a brief moment you feel stress free
some might say
'brian, cigarettes are bad for you. they kill you.'
that might be true
but what about the burgers you inhale daily
consisting of thousands of calories that kill you slowly
or the pollution we got in the industrialized city
also a silent killer
can barely breathe sometimes outside
besides i dont want to live past maybe 75 years old
whats the point?
you're doing everything you can just to stay alive
when it's natural just to move on

i'll drink every so often too
not every weekend
but when i just want to drink
also relieves tension
helps you relax and forget about shit
i dont like to get shit faced drunk
i think i can control myself
and not act like a complete dumbass when i'm drunk
i dunno that just might be me

i'm a shy person
i won't approach someone to try and be friends with them
i don't think i'm any better than them
i'm just too quiet to say anything
or if i do try to talk to someone
they'll just stare at you and judge you
i asked a damn question about homework
give me a simple answer
people misinterpret my quietness for being stuck up
or being a dick
i like to call these people idiots
just because i dont say much doesnt mean i'm an asshole
my friends know i'm nicer than most
get to know me before you talk shit
i can be a dick but only if you start something
i'm more patient than most
i care less about making myself happy
and more of doing shit for my friends
my friends know i'll always be there for them
making people laugh is always great
i'll do shit to get a smile outta anyone
i might make a stupid joke sometimes too
might be inappropriate too
but what funny joke is ever appropriate?

i had more to talk about
but i forgot some stuff
doesnt matter right?
most of you lost interest within the first line right?
why does everyone's attention span seem less than ten seconds
if something doesn't excite them within those ten seconds
they lose interest and want to move on to another subject
then they get lost once again
some blame it on tv right?
but i probably watch more tv than any person
not that its something to brag about
but i can still carry on a conversation
without spacing out or losing interest
ever listen to what other people are talking about?
i know its being nosy but who cares
the fact is that people talk about stupid shit
when's the last time you had a meaningful conversation
people are too busy talking about the latest gossip
who the hell cares
if it doesn't affect you
why does it matter?

that's about all i have to say for now
that's me in a nutshell
if you have opinions too
i'd like to hear
thank you for your time
but its time for me to study and pass out
peaceee....



quote of the day:
"There's room at the top I'm telling you still,
but first you must learn how to smile as you kill."